


Lost and Falling

by stellarmeadow



Category: 9-1-1 (TV)
Genre: Angst, Coda, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Episode: s03e16 Coda, M/M, Pining
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-30
Updated: 2020-04-30
Packaged: 2021-03-01 18:07:33
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 597
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23921323
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/stellarmeadow/pseuds/stellarmeadow
Summary: He found Buck alone in one of the private bunk rooms, sitting on the edge of the bed staring at nothing. Eddie watched for a moment, but if Buck noticed, he gave no sign.
Relationships: Evan "Buck" Buckley/Eddie Diaz, Evan “Buck” Buckley/Eddie Diaz (9-1-1 TV)
Comments: 37
Kudos: 399





	Lost and Falling

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks to tarialdarion for the read through and assurances, and to Rob Thomas for the mood and the title (from his song "Pieces").

He found Buck alone in one of the private bunk rooms, sitting on the edge of the bed staring at nothing. Eddie watched for a moment, but if Buck noticed, he gave no sign. He’d seen Buck upset plenty of times, but it was still always weird. His mental image of Buck always had that mesmerizing thousand-watt smile. 

Well, he was _almost_ always wearing a smile. The other times were usually late at night and involving secrets that were best kept between Eddie and his left hand. 

“Hey,” Eddie said finally, as he knocked softly on the door. “Cap made breakfast, better come eat something before the next shift starts showing up and takes it all.”

“I’m not hungry, thanks.”

“Evan Buckley turning down food?” Eddie teased. “Alert the media.”

Buck didn’t even react. 

Eddie moved carefully into the room, sitting close to Buck, the bed sinking so they ended up pressed together even more. 

Thank you, gravity. 

“Red really got to you, huh?”

Buck drew a long breath. “I got him, you know?” he said, eyes still on the wall on the other side of the room. “He lived for the job and for his house and the people in it. And then those people were gone and….”

“Hey.” Eddie put his hand on Buck’s shoulder, feeling his warmth beneath the t-shirt. “Not everyone leaves.”

Buck shrugged, solid muscle gliding under Eddie’s hand. “Sure.”

His tone made it clear he wasn’t at all sure about it. “Buck, it doesn’t have to be like that. And even if all of us retire, Chris and I aren’t going anywhere.”

“You almost did,” Buck said. “You were buried under 40 feet of earth.” He turned his head to meet Eddie’s gaze. “You think if you died that your parents wouldn't bundle Chris down to Texas on the first flight after your funeral?"

There was no heat to the words, it was just like he was stating a fact, and Eddie didn’t know quite what to do with that. "It's the job--"

"I know that. And I know it could just as easily go the other way, too. That's my point. No one can honestly promise to stay. Ever. I mean, people do. They promise it all the time. But people don't know what's coming. We see that every day."

Normally, Eddie would be the first one to understand Buck Logic, but this one was still a puzzle. “So is it the idea that we have no control that’s getting to you?”

"I just want....” Buck was getting frustrated searching for the words before he said, “I want a Cindy. I want someone who knocked me off my feet. I want something so bright the memories can be enough if nothing else stays. And if it lasts, if they choose to stay, if they _get_ to stay, even better. But if they don't...I want that."

The words stung, just a bit. Eddie would gladly give him all that and more. 

But first Buck had to want it from him. 

“Buck, I—”

A knock on the door interrupted them. Eddie looked up to see Bobby in the doorway, and one look at his face had Eddie bracing. 

“I just got a call,” Bobby said. “Red died a little while ago. I’m sorry, Buck.”

Bobby gave Eddie a look before he walked out—as if Eddie needed a look to know to be there for Buck, who was starting to shake his way into tears. 

Eddie put an arm around Buck’s shoulders, pulled him in close and let him cry. 

\--  
END

**Author's Note:**

> Kudos and comments much appreciated by my muse! :)


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